Ever do life coaching in front of a mirror?

Any coaches out there will know what I mean. You start going through some stuff in life and then you get a new client. The two of you get chatting and then all of a sudden, you discover that they are going through exactly what you are going through.

I was recently coaching someone when I realised this, or should I say remembered it. I actually laughed to myself and literally said to that person “I’m going to have a little chat with myself right now. Feel free to listen in!”

You see, when we need to understand something in life, the universe doesn’t just give you the skills, as otherwise there would be no challenge and no reason to grow and develop. Rather, it gives us situations where we are able to practice those skills.

For example, if you know you need to be more patient in your life, it will keep putting you in traffic jams. Should you need to learn to relax more, it will give you more people that try and make you angry.

There is a great bit in the book Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman where Socrates is rude to some spiritual people and polite to an angry person. When asked why, Socrates tells Dan that he gave them what they needed at that time in their lives.

What lessons are you being taught right now? Maybe you aren’t a coach, and so may not have people reflecting back to you what you need to understand. However, I can pretty much guarantee that you have ’stuff’ (technical term!)` going on around you, and it is that ’stuff’ which is there to teach you the things you need to learn in order to get to the next level in your life and personal evolution.

Sometimes, and you may be there right now, the lessons seem to be coming from all angles at all times. You may feel overwhelmed. Believe it or not, this too is yet another lesson. Where else in your life do you need to be able to balance things more effectively? Where else may you need to learn to say no?

Stop for a moment right now and think, unemotionally, about everything that is going on around you right now. Make a list of each of them, and then besides that, write out what you think it is there to teach you. The universe is always giving you the exact learnings you need and at the right time, so work out what it is you need to take away from this time in your life. Now you know what you are there to learn, don’t fight against it, but instead be curious as to how you can learn  quickly and effectively (and hopefully painlessly!) from this situation which has given you the chance to become even more of yourself.

Now, look at your past and recent actions. Notice how they have served you, and how some of them may not. Decide what you need to do differently from now. You will need to change your behaviours in order to get through this. Like a fly trying to escape through a window, you can try and bash yourself through, but the chances are that you will just end up tiring yourself out and giving yourself a headache. Instead, look for an open window, and if there isn’t one, maybe there is someone around you who can open one for you… if only you would ask them?!?!

When you get good at dealing with your current level of ’stuff’, the universe will upgrade you to a different level of ’stuff’. However, now you have the skills to deal with it, so the challenge will be different. The good thing about this is where there is adversity, there is also reward.

Wherever you are right now is exactly where you are meant to be. Learn from it. Grow with it. Ask for help if necessary. You will come through the other side a stronger, more complete person. You only have obstacles if you are going somewhere, and you know the place you are going. Enjoy the journey, live in the moment and when you notice this happening again, its ok to laugh!

When do you REALLY learn life’s important lessons?

The really important lessons in life often take more than words of wisdom. As the saying goes:

 Success is the result of good judgement
 Good Judgement is the result of experience
 Experience is the result of bad judgement

The key to success is making a series of good decisions and taking action to follow through. However, as the passage above describes, the ability to make good decisions is often preceded by numerous poor decisions.

The secret seems to be to make decisions, take action and then have enough behavioural flexibility to react to the inevitable challenges that arise. That way, when a similar decision has to be made, you have the knowledge and experience to know what works. The most profound learnings are often the most simple; so simple in fact that people think there really must be more to it.

Behavioural flexibility helps maintain momentum. As soon as you make your decision, momentum starts building and this is compounded in action. The universe likes things that are moving. Have you ever noticed that the best things in life tend to happen quickly, with snap decisions often leading to incredible results? When you start rolling, the universe conspires to help you succeed by giving you even more opportunities to follow through with, and like a snowball growing, these typically start small and get progressively larger and larger.

Because of momentum and these coincidences and opportunities will soon find themselves pushing against the boundary conditions of your thinking, or your paradigm. Your paradigm defines your comfort zone, or the limits that your current mindset or education has on any given context. This is why so many people, even once they learn the success principle described above, fail to follow through to the levels possible. Once they hit this glass ceiling in their mentality, fear kicks in and the brakes come on, halting momentum and causing the opportunities to go looking for people prepared to take them on.

So in addition to the lesson above, it is clear that personal development is key to success. Personal development removes (or at least expands) paradigms allowing progress to continue unhindered. It is so important that you find a way to let go of the limiting beliefs that get in the way of your success, otherwise it doesn’t matter how hard you work, you will only ever reach the same level of performance and results in your life. This is why top performers so often come across in their language as arrogant; it is because limiting beliefs rarely, if ever, come into their conscious and they are completely convinced of their own success. They literally do not have anything holding them back!

So back to the question: when do you learn lessons in life? You learn when you make decisions that push you up against the limits of your current paradigm, or to put this in layman’s terms, when you do something that scares you.

Are you ready for another twist? The lessons that you learn are not always linear, that is they are not always directly related to the actions being taken. You may find yourself learning about relationships when tackling something new at work. You may finally understand how to pitch a new service when abseiling down a cliff.

Because life’s most important lessons can be applied in almost all areas, experiences can often be mapped across. For example, many businesses like to hire sports people to speak and motivate their teams, not because of the specific skills the sportsperson has, but rather the principles and application it took for them to get to their particular level of performance.

So your challenge today is to do something which scares you. Now you know that life’s lessons are transferable, you can choose any area of life in which to push yourself beyond your comfort zone, as long as it is done in a safe and controlled manner. Also recognise that lessons learned often have elements of poor judgement, so be sure to make it a small step beyond initially. Think about what your current limiting patterns are, and then think of something that could be a great metaphor that would really make the required impact. For example, if you want to learn the lesson “Enjoy the Journey”, perhaps you could do something that would take a long time to do and which would typically involve something less than pleasurable, such as a marathon. If you wanted to learn the lesson of behavioural flexibility, something like rock climbing might work, where you constantly find yourself having to change direction, often in challenging positions.

Whatever it is you need to learn, you are likely already aware of the lesson itself, at least in words. Most people know what it is they are supposed to know, but rarely do they know it to the level where they personify it in everything they do. You know it only on a cognitive level. Real learning, and then living, of a lesson occurs when you own it at both cognitive and emotional levels, and this is why doing something scary is so important to your personal development. 

Try it today. Pick something scary to do, and then take action. Notice the learnings and lessons and find ways to apply them cross contextually in your life. Good luck!

Big Changes!

Change is a good thing right?

 

After getting used to the new situation, you quickly forgot about the old days and settled into to enjoying the improved benefits and perks. Maybe there were a few hiccups along the way, but all things considered, it was worth it!

 

Sound familiar? Well guess what… it’s going to happen again!

 

Yes, that’s right, DanStorey.com is having a makeover. In order to make my site clearer and appealing to more people, I have decided that things need to change a little around here. I will still be writing about personal development, success strategies and other such topics, but that will be accessible on my dedicated blog area, cunningly entitled danstorey.com/blog (clever huh!).

 

You will also still find my Channel Swim blog at DanStorey.com/ChannelSwim (which is live already) where you will be able to hear how I am getting on with training, fund raising and charity work. I have already updated the site with details about my chosen charities. Click here to check it out now!

 

So when is all this going to happen? Well I am just designing the new site at the moment, so you can expect it to be live by next weekend, and I will be inviting feedback of course. I thought I would just give you a little prior warning before you stumble upon the new site and get a little confused (I know I would be!).

 

Have a great week!

The Secret is Spreading!

The power of positive thinking is spreading and has reached the realm now of the rich and famous! In a recent interview, Will Smith talks about how he uses the Law of Attraction and the principles from the book The Alchemist to help him achieve success. Check out the video below to see a clip from the interview between him and Tavis Smiley.

 

It’s funny where you start to notice these ideas and concepts popping up. I just watched Vanilla Sky again for I think the third or fourth time, and I think I am actually starting to get it! (those of you who have seen the film will know what I mean!). At the end of the film, Tom Cruise is told that in his ‘lucid dream’ he can manifest anything just by thinking it. Of course, this is supposed to be in a dream, but the overlaps between that film and the Law of Attraction are innumerable.

 

So just a quick post today. Enjoy the clip with Will Smith… its only 111 seconds out of the 86,400 that you have in a day so don’t miss it!

 

Make sure you come back on Monday as I will have some very exciting news for you all! Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

 

Top 10 ways to Gain Clarity!

Sometimes, we just need to get ourselves out of the way of our own greatness.

 

I think Wayne Dyer puts it brilliantly when he reminds us that for the first 9 months of our existence we hand our destiny over to the creator who handles everything perfectly. We are then born and thinking we know better, we decide to take back control and gradually we become more disconnected from our true power.

 

To gain clarity in our lives and get closer to our natural self, it is vital that we spend time reconnecting to our inner being, call it your spirit, unconscious, essence or any other such term. Below are 10 top ideas for how to achieve that!

 

Meditate - There are many different ways to meditate, the aim of which is to help silence the inner voices and allow you to experience true stillness and calm. Whether you attend a Buddhist centre or a local community centre, you can easily find a course in your locality. Alternatively, just find somewhere quiet, sit comfortably and focus on your breathing, trying to slow it down and make it into one continuous movement rather than an in-out action. Find a technique that suits you.

Have a clear out - De-clutter your living space to allow new energy to flow and bring new energy into your life. Get rid of newspapers and magazines, do the washing up and wash and put away your clothes. Getting the vacuum out, cleaning the windows and tidying the shelves will all be reflected with an internal clarity. Also, what’s in your wardrobe? Instead of throwing that stuff out, give your old clothes to a charity shop, and be honest… if you haven’t worn it in 6 to 9 months you probably won’t wear it again… be ruthless and make space in your life!

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An Incredible Example of Human Possibility!

I have been getting into the quantum physics again recently… still chuckle when I say that to myself, although it seems more normal each time I repeat it! Anyway, one of the beliefs in quantum physics is that we are intimately connected to, and part of, the universe, and that if we are able to tap into it, we have access to all of its resources and energies.

 

Whilst this may seem to make sense in theory, I, like many of you I am sure, need a concrete example or two just to convince me fully! Well, that is exactly what I have found for you today, a truly remarkable example of what we all have access to but often forget that it is out there!

 

As you watch this, remember the presupposition that accompanies the quantum theory, that is:

 

“Whatever you think you are… you are always truly much more!”

 

 

Help the Planet – 11th Hour

As many of you will know, ecology and recycling are issues that are close to my heart. I believe it is down to all of us to do whatever we can to preserve this planet. As it has been said, “we did not inherit this planet from our ancestors, but we are borrowing it from our children!”

 

I have just found out about an amazing new initiative called 11^th Hour… a project led by and involving some of the planets largest names from all fields. A documentary, presented by Leonardo DiCaprio, highlights the plight of the planet’s ecosystem to keep up with man’s ever increasing desire to use up its natural resources. With global warming, increasing use of fossil fuels and a population that is growing exponentially, some scientists fear that we may even have already gone too far!

 

However, far from being all doom and gloom, the overwhelming message is one of possibility and solutions. Some of the ideas coming out of the film are incredible, and show what we are capable of in terms of creation rather than destruction. The knowledge that this technology is out there already means that we are already making steps in the right direction; the time has come, however, to really step up our endeavours.

 

I ask you all to visit the site, register and have a good look around. There is so much incredible information, as well as practical exercises that you can do to help make a difference! I am just looking through some of the ideas that I can start immediately this week. So far I have come up with a few great ways that I can help reduce waste in the office… am sure more will come once I get all my creative energy onto it!

 

That’s enough for now! If you take this planet seriously and care for its wellbeing, take action now. Visit www.11thhouraction.com and do everything you can to make this world habitable for generations to come! For a little more information, simply watch the video below!

 

 

What happens when they raise the bar?

Don’t you find when one area of your life starts picking up it starts to have a knock on effect on other areas? Suddenly it seems as though a new energy is flowing through you, revitalising all of the endeavours you are undertaking, filling you with a motivation to go on and achieve more and more.

It’s funny, but sometimes when you find yourself with a new challenge in an area you are accustomed to it can come as quite a surprise. For me, there was a certain sense of ego that came over me initially, and I said to myself things; “Why should I have to change?”; “I was already good at that point, it shouldn’t be me that has to adjust!”.

Looking back, it seems ridiculous I know, but when in the heat of the moment it’s not always to see that clearly.

However, challenge like this can really help to refocus your energy. It made me question what was really important to me in this situation; did I really want to be going along this path? When you put in a lot of energy and get to a certain point, you would be forgiven to think you had gotten through the hard part and now deserved a well-earned rest. However, just as you put your feet up, things change.

It’s like having the front door go as you have just sat down in the sofa at the end of a long hard day.

Part of me just wanted to give in. After all, I had already done all the hard work, what else could I possibly get from putting in this extra effort? Did I really want to go through it all again? However, the fighter inside of me was determined not to give up and I remembered that success in life is not about not falling, but in getting up each time it happens. This decision required me to dig deep and summon up both the physical and mental strength required to come through this situation stronger and even more focussed.

I’m through that scenario now and I am so glad I made the decision to stick at it. The challenge has made me grow into a better person and the newly improved scenario has added a richness to my life. I am sure that some people would have supported my decision to step down, but there were more people around me encouraging me to step up and meet the challenge head on.

Today’s challenge is to look at areas in your life where you are experiencing a similar challenge and to ask yourself whether or not you wish to continue down that path. If not, commit to change your situation immediately. However, if like me you do, take a deep breath, dig deep and commit to keep your focus channelled into this part of your life until you have come through. Then, notice how that success will bring you a new energy which will enrich all the areas of your life!

Learning the Hard Way!

Doesn’t it seem that life teaches you all the important lessons the hard way?

Think about it… what do you really learn from success? It teaches you that what you are doing is right and that you don’t need to change anything. There is a sense of comfort that accompanies success, and this does not typically fill you with a desire to go on and develop yourself; after all, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!

The challenge is that at some point, everything changes. What works today will eventually be surpassed by a newer, better alternative option. This is especially the case with anyone working in technology, but should be considered by everyone on their journey to success.

Anyway, why am I mentioning this? Well, there were a couple of situations last week which caused me to learn the hard way. I know they are important lessons, despite how challenging they were at the time. But they both taught me things about myself and how I interact with others.

The first situation was business. I made a pretty major assumption (I know, assumptions are the mother of all……) which put a lot of pressure on a particular relationship. Going back into the follow up meeting, I was a little sheepish to say the least. However, what I now know as a result of that has taught me so much about how to be even more effective in a selling environment. Even as a sales trainer, even I am still learning about the process.

The second was a personal situation, with two people sticking to their guns. Now, again, maybe I should know better, but sometimes there are just moments when either you forget all this or it just becomes important to have your own way. Whatever the reason, I found myself head-to-head (verbally) with someone who had the potential to make my life very difficult… and he decided to! After complaining to everyone around me who I could get to listen (a total of 0 people… typical!), I decided a different tact was more appropriate. And it worked!

If you want to know how I did it, I cannot take the credit. If you haven’t read it yet, one of your next books has to be “How To Win Friends And Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. Let’s just say that the lessons you learn in this book will prove to be invaluable in all of your interactions with others.

In short, and in both situations, the secret to success is the ability to understand a situation for the other person’s perspective. This is often more challenging at the time because emotion kicks in and it becomes challenging to let go of one’s own opinion or standpoint. This is why it is usually a lot clearer after the actual event, however there is still an element of humility required to turn these situations around.

Once you have taken the time to fully understand the other person’s standpoint and discussed this with them, only then should you even begin to discuss your opinion. By this point however, you should find the other person to be far more receptive and open to understanding your point of view. From this point of mutual understanding and respect, it should be far easier to find the win-win agreement you are looking for. But it does take practise!

It may sound strange but… enjoy learning the hard way!

My First Lessons from The Alchemist

Isn’t it easy to fall into habits?

Having just spent a few days away, I managed to indulge in a little more reading than I usually get the chance to. Many of you will have heard of a book called ‘The Alchemist‘ by Paulo Coelho, and maybe even some of you have read it. For me, it has been a book that has appeared on my reading horizon many times before, but one that I have never taken the steps towards… until now! I am sure that there are similar books in your life too?

I’ll come back to the book in a minute, but I want to get back to the point I made about habits. It is actually funny yet scary that we can do so many things without being aware of the actions we are taking. Let me give you an example…

In Holland, they drive on the right hand side of the road, which means that the driver’s seat in a car is on the left, i.e. the opposite to England. Surely it cannot be too difficult to drive a car over there? Well that is what you would think, but let me give you an idea of some of the things that may go wrong.

Firstly, you look over the wrong shoulder for your seatbelt. Then you go to put the car in gear and end up opening the car door. When you eventually do get moving you realise that there is a car headed straight for you! The final challenge can be summed up in just one word…

Roundabout!

Ok, so these challenges may only last a short time, but isn’t it fascinating to think about how many things we have like this in our lives, where we simply repeat the same patterns each and every day without even questioning their usefulness?

I am glad I finally got to read ‘The Alchemist‘. In the back of the book, there is an interview with Paulo Coelho  says that he wants his epitaph to read that he died when he was alive. When the reply came that this is how everyone dies, he replied saying:

“No, this is not true. The same pattern repeating and over again, you are not alive any more. To die alive is to take risks. To pay your price. To do something that scares you but you should do because you may like or you may not like.”

When I look at my life, I realise that there are too many patterns that I too am repeating and over again. When you read a book such as this, things cannot help but change as you realise that you are indeed moving towards your destiny.

The challenge today is for me as well as for you, and that is to look at the patterns you repeat in your life and to ask yourself whether or not they are moving you towards your dreams. If they indeed are not, ask yourself what you should be doing instead, even if it scares you, that will enable you to move closer to what your heart truly desires.

Thank you Paulo for a magnificent book!

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