Ever do life coaching in front of a mirror?

Any coaches out there will know what I mean. You start going through some stuff in life and then you get a new client. The two of you get chatting and then all of a sudden, you discover that they are going through exactly what you are going through.

I was recently coaching someone when I realised this, or should I say remembered it. I actually laughed to myself and literally said to that person “I’m going to have a little chat with myself right now. Feel free to listen in!”

You see, when we need to understand something in life, the universe doesn’t just give you the skills, as otherwise there would be no challenge and no reason to grow and develop. Rather, it gives us situations where we are able to practice those skills.

For example, if you know you need to be more patient in your life, it will keep putting you in traffic jams. Should you need to learn to relax more, it will give you more people that try and make you angry.

There is a great bit in the book Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman where Socrates is rude to some spiritual people and polite to an angry person. When asked why, Socrates tells Dan that he gave them what they needed at that time in their lives.

What lessons are you being taught right now? Maybe you aren’t a coach, and so may not have people reflecting back to you what you need to understand. However, I can pretty much guarantee that you have ’stuff’ (technical term!)` going on around you, and it is that ’stuff’ which is there to teach you the things you need to learn in order to get to the next level in your life and personal evolution.

Sometimes, and you may be there right now, the lessons seem to be coming from all angles at all times. You may feel overwhelmed. Believe it or not, this too is yet another lesson. Where else in your life do you need to be able to balance things more effectively? Where else may you need to learn to say no?

Stop for a moment right now and think, unemotionally, about everything that is going on around you right now. Make a list of each of them, and then besides that, write out what you think it is there to teach you. The universe is always giving you the exact learnings you need and at the right time, so work out what it is you need to take away from this time in your life. Now you know what you are there to learn, don’t fight against it, but instead be curious as to how you can learn  quickly and effectively (and hopefully painlessly!) from this situation which has given you the chance to become even more of yourself.

Now, look at your past and recent actions. Notice how they have served you, and how some of them may not. Decide what you need to do differently from now. You will need to change your behaviours in order to get through this. Like a fly trying to escape through a window, you can try and bash yourself through, but the chances are that you will just end up tiring yourself out and giving yourself a headache. Instead, look for an open window, and if there isn’t one, maybe there is someone around you who can open one for you… if only you would ask them?!?!

When you get good at dealing with your current level of ’stuff’, the universe will upgrade you to a different level of ’stuff’. However, now you have the skills to deal with it, so the challenge will be different. The good thing about this is where there is adversity, there is also reward.

Wherever you are right now is exactly where you are meant to be. Learn from it. Grow with it. Ask for help if necessary. You will come through the other side a stronger, more complete person. You only have obstacles if you are going somewhere, and you know the place you are going. Enjoy the journey, live in the moment and when you notice this happening again, its ok to laugh!

When life gives you limes, make a mojito!

For some reason I prefer limes to lemons… but that has nothing to do with this post.

This post is all about new directions and opportunities… in disguise! You see, life is throwing things at you all the time, and to make things interesting, it likes to mix things up a little bit. It would be boring if we only were faced with positive and easy-to-deal-with situations, in the same way as eating nothing but Krispy Kreme donuts all the time (I can read your thoughts… you wouldn’t mind giving it a go, right?)

For our lives to be a masterpiece, we need to experience the ups and the downs, the high notes and the deep bass that penetrates through to your soul, appreciate the darker tones as they highlight the beautiful colours that adorn the canvas of your life.

When you want to be better at something, life doesn’t just give you those skills. Instead, it gives you an opportunity to practice!

Opportunities come in all sorts of guises: situations, emails, people, newspaper articles. There are no doubt several within reach of you RIGHT NOW! We need to just tune ourselves into them, recognise our inner voice telling you when things feel right rather than our conscious thoughts that like to rationalise and tell you all the reasons why something wouldn’t work.

Think now about one of those opportunities that has presented itself to you lately, and really get conscious of the FEELING, the EMOTION, the SENSATIONS that run through your body as you contemplate the possible. Take note of what the voices are saying, but allow them to fall quietly to the back of your mind for now as you get back in touch with the part of you that really should be allowed to make the decisions. How does it feel? (maybe put some of your favourite music on as you do this… it REALLY helps!)

Now, this has nothing to do with challenge and misfortune, but the truth is EVERY circumstance in your life is an opportunity.

Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again more intelligently – Henry Ford

Where has that challenge opened up doors for you? How has the death of one part of you been the birth of an even more powerful and creative being? There is no doubt that there will be pain and upset associated with the ending, especially in the culture we live in. However, as we hang on to what was and what used to be, we take away the opportunity for us to move on and grow.

What the caterpillar calls the end, the rest of the world calls a butterfly – T.S. Eliot

Maybe you are in a cocoon right now? Maybe you have been for some time? Perhaps we have been so focussed on what was good that we are afraid to turn to face the future, our new directions! You may be staring at a new direction right now, but are afraid to take that first step, because you are anchored by your past. Let go. Embrace your new direction! Your new direction may be challenging, but do not fight against it, don’t push back! Instead, get excited and allow it’s energy to drive you for a change.

How long have you been swimming against the current when the answer has always been inside of you waiting to come out, if only you get in touch with it and truly allow yourself to surrender to what is deep within. The heart hides your passion, your burning desire. We allow our minds to take control and rationalise matters, often leading to either not stopping something because of how it was in the past, or not starting something because of what might happen in the future.

You need to create an opportunity whereby you have to face your new direction: face-to-face, head-to-head, no backing down. Sometimes you will create this, sometimes the world has a magical way of creating people and situations that bring this about for you. RECOGNISE THEM AND EMBRACE THEM, rather than shying away and missing yet another opportunity in disguise!

So once again, focus on an oportunity that is presenting itself to you right now. Get in touch with the feelings and emotions that accompany it. Allow the voices to go quiet. As you do that, notice the scenarios, people and resources that come to your imagination that can facilitate your new direction. They are there, you just need to invite them and ask for what you really want. Now, think forward and notice all of the events that have to happen, both good and challenging, that are associated with the change. Take note of them, and also how they are going to happen. Then, simply enjoy the view as you get clear on where you are now heading.

Remember, you are powerful beyond comprehension. You are strong enough to face anything. Sometimes, to become stronger, you have to go through the things that knock you down. However, remember the caterpillar. As soon as you do, you will begin to develop the wings that will fly you in your new direction!

Grand Master of NLP… or at least that is how I feel!

I just wanted to share a quick update with you all regarding what has been happening in my life recently. It certainly has been full of some incredible experiences, learning and development, and I feel that my own personal development has accelerated immeasurably.

Last week I attended my second NLP Master Practitioner course through Christopher Howard training, and was guided by the lovely Johnnie Cass over 5 days of intense learning and revisiting much of the content I had forgotten from when I first learned this material. As a dedicated lofe-long learner, I listened intently, trying to hear the finer distinctions that really make this a powerful tool for change. Having gone through the CDs a number of times each, the content of the course was largely at the front of my mind, meaning I could enjoy learning about its application and context rather than worrying whether I was going to say the right thing in the right place. Although I am largely visual and kinesthetic in my preferred representation systems, I do learn very well with my auditory sense, so much so that it was as if I was using Chris’ exact words at times… now that is immersion!

Ok, so maybe not a grand master yet, but having done my NLP Master Practitioner for the second time, I feel I am back in touch with many of the aspects of this technology that I had perhaps lost touch of.

I am also busy writing my book which is going to be released later this year, and hence why I have not been contributing quite as much as I would like to this site. Please make sure you have signed up for my newsletter so I can let you know when this will be released, as there will be a very special offer to my regular readers.

This month sees me in even more learning mode, attending my Platform Skills Training with Christopher Howard. This time, the lovely Duane Alley will be leading the way, and I know I am in for the most intensive 5 days of development I have ever experienced. I have been looking forward to this training since I booked it last year, and cannot wait for the opportunity to develop myself even more as a trainer and a speaker. I am bracing myself for all of the feedback I am undoubtedly going to receive, and I welcome it all as I know how much better I will become as a result! Bring it on!

Finally, I am working hard to promote Brealthrough To Success in July, 24-26th at Ibis Hotel, Earls Court, London. Click here to register, as they are getting bigger and better every time. It is also great to see how many new people are recognising the importance of personal development, especially from new fields of industry, including professions such as law, medicine and the arts. We are truly breaking boundaries!

See you all very soon and I trust that the sun is shining on your successes every day!

When do you REALLY learn life’s important lessons?

The really important lessons in life often take more than words of wisdom. As the saying goes:

 Success is the result of good judgement
 Good Judgement is the result of experience
 Experience is the result of bad judgement

The key to success is making a series of good decisions and taking action to follow through. However, as the passage above describes, the ability to make good decisions is often preceded by numerous poor decisions.

The secret seems to be to make decisions, take action and then have enough behavioural flexibility to react to the inevitable challenges that arise. That way, when a similar decision has to be made, you have the knowledge and experience to know what works. The most profound learnings are often the most simple; so simple in fact that people think there really must be more to it.

Behavioural flexibility helps maintain momentum. As soon as you make your decision, momentum starts building and this is compounded in action. The universe likes things that are moving. Have you ever noticed that the best things in life tend to happen quickly, with snap decisions often leading to incredible results? When you start rolling, the universe conspires to help you succeed by giving you even more opportunities to follow through with, and like a snowball growing, these typically start small and get progressively larger and larger.

Because of momentum and these coincidences and opportunities will soon find themselves pushing against the boundary conditions of your thinking, or your paradigm. Your paradigm defines your comfort zone, or the limits that your current mindset or education has on any given context. This is why so many people, even once they learn the success principle described above, fail to follow through to the levels possible. Once they hit this glass ceiling in their mentality, fear kicks in and the brakes come on, halting momentum and causing the opportunities to go looking for people prepared to take them on.

So in addition to the lesson above, it is clear that personal development is key to success. Personal development removes (or at least expands) paradigms allowing progress to continue unhindered. It is so important that you find a way to let go of the limiting beliefs that get in the way of your success, otherwise it doesn’t matter how hard you work, you will only ever reach the same level of performance and results in your life. This is why top performers so often come across in their language as arrogant; it is because limiting beliefs rarely, if ever, come into their conscious and they are completely convinced of their own success. They literally do not have anything holding them back!

So back to the question: when do you learn lessons in life? You learn when you make decisions that push you up against the limits of your current paradigm, or to put this in layman’s terms, when you do something that scares you.

Are you ready for another twist? The lessons that you learn are not always linear, that is they are not always directly related to the actions being taken. You may find yourself learning about relationships when tackling something new at work. You may finally understand how to pitch a new service when abseiling down a cliff.

Because life’s most important lessons can be applied in almost all areas, experiences can often be mapped across. For example, many businesses like to hire sports people to speak and motivate their teams, not because of the specific skills the sportsperson has, but rather the principles and application it took for them to get to their particular level of performance.

So your challenge today is to do something which scares you. Now you know that life’s lessons are transferable, you can choose any area of life in which to push yourself beyond your comfort zone, as long as it is done in a safe and controlled manner. Also recognise that lessons learned often have elements of poor judgement, so be sure to make it a small step beyond initially. Think about what your current limiting patterns are, and then think of something that could be a great metaphor that would really make the required impact. For example, if you want to learn the lesson “Enjoy the Journey”, perhaps you could do something that would take a long time to do and which would typically involve something less than pleasurable, such as a marathon. If you wanted to learn the lesson of behavioural flexibility, something like rock climbing might work, where you constantly find yourself having to change direction, often in challenging positions.

Whatever it is you need to learn, you are likely already aware of the lesson itself, at least in words. Most people know what it is they are supposed to know, but rarely do they know it to the level where they personify it in everything they do. You know it only on a cognitive level. Real learning, and then living, of a lesson occurs when you own it at both cognitive and emotional levels, and this is why doing something scary is so important to your personal development. 

Try it today. Pick something scary to do, and then take action. Notice the learnings and lessons and find ways to apply them cross contextually in your life. Good luck!

How is Personal Development affected by the credit crunch?

Everywhere you look at the moment, people and organisations seem to be making cut-backs; down-sizing, streamlining, anything possible to reduce costs and outgoings. This leaves fewer people to do the work left behind, and an increase in the number of people expected to multi-task or be multi-skilled. The ones left doing the jobs are expected to be able to carry businesses through the current tumultuous times and into the expected bounce back predicted in this week’s budget. This also leaves a lot of people out in the job market, many of which never would have imagined having to apply for jobs ever again.

So how are the decisions made about who to keep and who to hire?

Well, it is an interesting situation, unprecedented in the information age. Equally skilled people are attending interviews and trying to outbid for jobs, offering to work for less than other qualified candidates just to get the position.

But is cheaper labour the only consideration for employers? Well in a few instances I am sure it is. However, in the majority of cases, there are more important things to take into account. Below are some of the qualities and values that are desired in employees now.

Attitude – Nobody owes you anything! You have to be prepared to work for what you get, no matter how long you have been in the industry. Adopt the attitude of enthusiasm, willingness to learn and being open to new ideas.

Teamwork – With teams now smaller, personal relationships will be even more strained. People who are able to get on with others are now at a premium. Be someone that is affable and easy to get along with, rather than someone who is critical and judgmental of others.

Flexibility – The phrase “not in my job description” will not be used for a long time with being followed swiftly by a P45! Be prepared to take on new tasks, try things outside of your role, and generally muck in where necessary.

Responsibility – Take ownership of tasks, be interested in the overall outcome and results and be focussed on the success of the business as if it were your own.

Willingness – To learn, to change, to try new things. You have to be open to change and embrace the new economy. It is the ability to let go of the past and embrace the future that will make you successful.

Optimistic – There is enough negativity in the world. People want to be around those who make them feel good, that help them to experience the positive aspects of the world, rather than just reflect and repeat what so much of society is saying.

Extra Mile – Above all, this is the most important quality. Just doing enough is not going to get you noticed or appreciated. You have to be willing to do more than is asked, to find ways to add even more value, to yourself, your boss and without doubt your customers. There are so many ways to add value in every situation you will find yourself in, so practice doing it whenever and wherever possible.

 

So whatever situation you find yourself in, adopt these qualities and approaches in your life. Although the above are focussed on work, they can just as easily be applied to any other area of life.

So how is personal development affected by the credit crunch? Well, it is actually doing better now than ever before! Working on your mindset is the key to adopting the above concepts, and there are seminars, books and audio programs out there to do exactly that. Personal development is something that is attracting people from areas that may have previously been more reluctant to want to work on themselves.

The ideas taught at such seminars give you the cutting edge over the competition. A better outlook on life, improved communication skills, and an improved understanding of people in general are just some of the things you can expect from attending such events. You just can’t afford not to know this stuff if you want to be at the top of your game in any field!

Get yourself along to an event in the next few weeks, and watch the results you are experiencing in life skyrocket! Check out the video below for an idea on how to apply these ideas!

Stronger U – Making Education the Study of Success

Stronger U is born!

Lincoln University saw the beginnings of an incredible new program, and another way of me being able to teach the tools of NLP and Personal Development to those who really need it! In this case, we are now teaching the techniques and ideas at universities and colleges across the UK.

The first session we delivered was on Exam Success, and involved taking the psychological and NLP principles of learning and remembering, and combining it with the ideas of success on a large scale. I guess I have a tendency to take some of my learning for granted, and so teaching people of this age something completely new has an incredible effect. The look on the faces of he students as the concepts dawned on them is the exact reason why I do what I do.

What did we cover? Well we went through learning styles using VAK – Visual, Auditory and Kinaesthetic modalities. In the end, they had over 20 different ways of revising, depending on their dominant preferences. Concepts of memory such as “Learning is State Dependent” showed the importance of being able to relax in exam situations. Finally, the 5 steps to being successful in any exam, which of course you can only find out on the training!

I can not wait for this to explode in universities all over the country, and also potentially overseas! We are having a meeting next week to discuss options and where to take this next as we already have several institutions looking to find ways we can help them.

Want to help share the message? We are looking for contacts in universities and colleges who see the huge benefit of teaching these skills and techniques. If you know anyone who can help us or would like to be involved, email info@strongeru.co.uk.

Look forward to lots more updates about this incredible program. Stay tuned!

Success Lessons from Dr Evil!

Have you been getting the Advent Calendar emails? If not, sign up now to my Newsletter… just put your details in the sign up form on the left now. Here is a sneak preview of one of the messages going out soon!

“All I asked for was sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads!”

 

Whilst we might not agree with his strategy for success, there is something about Dr Evil’s plan that we can learn from. In fact, so many bad guys use them in films, it is a wonder why the good guys haven’t cottoned on yet!

 

We have all experienced the power of the sun, particularly the oh-so-pleasant sensation of sunburn. In an attempt to show how good your holiday was to your friends, you spend every waking moment exposing parts (that haven’t seen the light since your birth!) with the hope that you will return akin to a Greek God! When we take it a little too far, we end up glowing like a homing beacon and signposting to all the tour guides that you are the stereotypical holiday maker ripe for selling to!

 

And yet, that is a fraction of what the sun is capable of. Think back to childhood and days spent with a magnifying glass and some (insert your particular victim here… paper? ants? dolls?) and then you start to get close to the true potential of light. All it takes is Focus!

 

Focus is the catalyst of true power, taking potential and fashioning something only distantly related to the original source. We have all experienced this ourselves, although we may not have noticed it until one of our colleagues remarks “Woah, what’s got into you this morning?” (Notice focus can be used both positively and negatively!) The challenge is that many people spread themselves too thinly, trying to do too many things all at the same time, and never using their own laser-like focus on anything for long enough to notice the difference.

 

Your challenge is to find a way to focus on whatever it is you are doing today, and throughout Christmas with 100% intensity and commitment. If you are working, give it your all until it is time to finish rather than be thinking about what you are going to do later or how you are going to spend your weekend. Likewise, when enjoying your spare time, immerse yourself fully and forget what needs to be done the following day at the office… the time is now!

 

Not only will this make a massive difference to the success of your life, it will also have an incredible impact on those around you. Once given your undivided attention, people will feel far more connected to you, and enjoy being with you on a far deeper level. How would this affect the relationships you have with those around you right now?

How do you show up?

I finally worked out how to win at Monopoly recently. You see, my old strategy had been ineffective; trying to spread myself too thinly as opposed to using the military concept of massing of forces. Now my strategy is to build up my properties even if it means mortgaging everything else, as well as keeping a reserve just in case you draw the wrong card from the Chance pile.

 

It is funny, but how you play a game teaches you a lot about how you live your life. I learnt a lot about investment strategies by playing the game Cashflow from Robert Kiyosaki (click here to find out more). You might think that games can’t possibly be effective mechanism for teaching and learning, but delivered in the right way and with an effective debrief, they can be outstanding education tools.

 

The thing about learning through games is you can never be certain what the lessons will be, as the learnings for each individual playing the game will often be different. You will learn whatever lesson you need to learn at that particular moment! You might learn a completely different lesson by playing the same game or you might learn the same lesson playing a different game, especially if you still haven’t really got the message.

 

Today, I was teaching business games with year 7 students in East London, and throughout the day there were lots of lessons. One of the biggest lessons from today, and this applies to YOU as much as it did to the students today, is that in most instances you only get ONE CHANCE, and that every opportunity you have should be taken with both hands. If you don’t get it right first time, there often isn’t a second time. Whether you are in front of the investors in the Dragon’s Den, meeting a potential life partner or simply being there for your family, how you show up speaks volumes to the people around you as well as your unconscious mind.

 

How you do one thing is how you do everything!

 

If you get the opportunity to learn through games, you should take the opportunity. Clinton Swaine teaches business and investment strategies through games, and he runs a free weekend introductory event. I was only able to make it for a few hours last time, and I learned so much in that short time that I wish I had been available for the rest of the weekend. I will certainly be there in February when he returns. To get your free tickets visit www.Play2Win.DanStorey.com or click here to visit his website. See you there!

 

If you know of any other games, please leave a comment and share them with the rest of the readers!

Results Revolution – FREE Seminar!

Finally…

Announcing my 1-day event designed to help you take control of your life and the results you are creating!

http://www.danstorey.com/results

Using a combination of tools taken from disciplines such as NLP and Hypnosis, the day promises to help you create substantial and lasting change in any area of life you want to address!

The best thing is… its FREE!

That’s right. Because I want to be able to teach this to as many people as possible, this event will be completely free for you! This means places will book up soon, and there are only 30 places available, so click the link to book your ticket now!

http://www.danstorey.com/results

If you are new to Personal Development seminars then there is a lot for you to learn and take in, and you will have a truly life-changing day. If you are an experienced seminar go-er, then I have packed in some of the top tools and techniques to really help take your success to the next level, and you will surely be aware of the importance of repetition of learning!

This one is going to be held in Watford, making it easily accessible by both train/underground as well as car, although they will be taking place across the country!

A lot of you have known that this has been in the planning stage for a while, but now it is time to make it available to everyone! I look forward to seeing you all there!

Remember, book now to secure your place – http://www.danstorey.com/results – and invite your friends too!

How would you react if 9/11 happened to you? ULIFE launch

On 9/11 thoughts turn to those people who lost family and friends seven years ago. I have only met a handful of people who were directly linked and every one of them had their own recollections of the events of that infamous day. I can vividly recall the day myself, so detached at the time and yet continually finding more and more ways that connect me.

 

I even visited what has since become known as “Ground Zero” a few years ago when visiting New York. Even after so long, that place holds an energy; a combination of pain and sorrow mixed with hope and potential. What had intended to divide and caused hatred had in so many places brought people together in love and compassion.

 

Tonight, I was invited to the launch of a new coaching company called ULIFE. Elizabeth Turner, was 7 months pregnant when she waited for a call from her husband who was working in the twin towers… a call that unfortunately never came.

 

7 years on, and having faced several other challenges along the way, Elizabeth has teamed up with Kevin Watson and Jan Kirsop Taylor and created ULIFE, a coaching company dedicated to helping organisations and individuals with all of the changes faced in the modern world – the credit crunch, the housing market crisis and the war against terror. Whilst they help people deal with these major world issues, they are also experts at working with personal change and challenge.

 

One of their key messages, and one which resonates so completely with me, is that whatever happens to us, we always have a choice about how we react and incorporate that event into the rest of our life.

 

To find out more about how ULIFE might be able to help you with change in your life, visit their site here. I can tell they are going to do incredible work and help people deal with what can often seem to be insurmountable challenge, in both the personal and professional spheres. I will keep you posted, as I know they are going to be running some workshops soon, and will update the events page as soon as I know more!

 

Until then, use times like this to reassess what is going on in your life. Put the things back into perspective that may have become distorted. Stop for a moment and ask yourself if there is anything you are not doing in your life that would really add to the richness of your experience… and then go to it.

 

I will leave you with a quote from one of my favourite films of all time – Fight Club. After dragging a store operator from his place of work, Tyler Durden threatens to shoot him if he does not act on his dreams. As we are reminded on days such as today, it often takes the extreme for us to fully realise our situation. As the clerk runs away, Tyler offers us this thought:

 

“Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Raymond K. Hessel’s life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever tasted.“

 

It is down to you how you react to each event in your life. Choose to focus on such moments as “near-life” events, and live your life accordingly!

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