Ever do life coaching in front of a mirror?

Any coaches out there will know what I mean. You start going through some stuff in life and then you get a new client. The two of you get chatting and then all of a sudden, you discover that they are going through exactly what you are going through.

I was recently coaching someone when I realised this, or should I say remembered it. I actually laughed to myself and literally said to that person “I’m going to have a little chat with myself right now. Feel free to listen in!”

You see, when we need to understand something in life, the universe doesn’t just give you the skills, as otherwise there would be no challenge and no reason to grow and develop. Rather, it gives us situations where we are able to practice those skills.

For example, if you know you need to be more patient in your life, it will keep putting you in traffic jams. Should you need to learn to relax more, it will give you more people that try and make you angry.

There is a great bit in the book Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman where Socrates is rude to some spiritual people and polite to an angry person. When asked why, Socrates tells Dan that he gave them what they needed at that time in their lives.

What lessons are you being taught right now? Maybe you aren’t a coach, and so may not have people reflecting back to you what you need to understand. However, I can pretty much guarantee that you have ’stuff’ (technical term!)` going on around you, and it is that ’stuff’ which is there to teach you the things you need to learn in order to get to the next level in your life and personal evolution.

Sometimes, and you may be there right now, the lessons seem to be coming from all angles at all times. You may feel overwhelmed. Believe it or not, this too is yet another lesson. Where else in your life do you need to be able to balance things more effectively? Where else may you need to learn to say no?

Stop for a moment right now and think, unemotionally, about everything that is going on around you right now. Make a list of each of them, and then besides that, write out what you think it is there to teach you. The universe is always giving you the exact learnings you need and at the right time, so work out what it is you need to take away from this time in your life. Now you know what you are there to learn, don’t fight against it, but instead be curious as to how you can learn  quickly and effectively (and hopefully painlessly!) from this situation which has given you the chance to become even more of yourself.

Now, look at your past and recent actions. Notice how they have served you, and how some of them may not. Decide what you need to do differently from now. You will need to change your behaviours in order to get through this. Like a fly trying to escape through a window, you can try and bash yourself through, but the chances are that you will just end up tiring yourself out and giving yourself a headache. Instead, look for an open window, and if there isn’t one, maybe there is someone around you who can open one for you… if only you would ask them?!?!

When you get good at dealing with your current level of ’stuff’, the universe will upgrade you to a different level of ’stuff’. However, now you have the skills to deal with it, so the challenge will be different. The good thing about this is where there is adversity, there is also reward.

Wherever you are right now is exactly where you are meant to be. Learn from it. Grow with it. Ask for help if necessary. You will come through the other side a stronger, more complete person. You only have obstacles if you are going somewhere, and you know the place you are going. Enjoy the journey, live in the moment and when you notice this happening again, its ok to laugh!

What can a dumbell teach us about success in life?

I have been getting back into my fitness training lately. Having joined a gym in the city, I am now able to train for longer each day without having to worry about being on time in the mornings or falling asleep on the tube on the way home. I have especially been enjoying training my legs, which any gym enthusiasts out there will recognize as the body part to cause serious achiness, otherwise known as DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness), which kicks in a day or two after a workout. Legs seem to be particularly adept at attracting and maintaining DOMS, making everyday tasks like stairs and sitting down far more… well… interesting!

 

Having studied as an exercise physiologist, and now as an NLP trainer and master practitioner, I have noticed that there are countless similarities between the body and mind, creating more of a psychophysiology rather than two separate disciplines. And each time I workout in the gym, I learn a little more about how my mind works.

 

Example? Ok. Well imagine for a moment a bar loaded with weights just resting on the floor. The exercise, known as the dead-lift, is a regular appearance on strongman contests and is generally considered one of the best measures of overall strength. Now imagine adding MORE weight to the bar. Now as you look at the bar, you seriously doubt whether you would even be able to lift it high enough to slip a piece of paper between the weights and the floor, let alone stand yourself all the way up. So you stand there, just looking at it!

 

We may recognize this pattern everyday as procrastination, which often kicks in when we are faced with such a daunting task. How many times have you been faced with something of great importance and challenge, and rather than take action, you look at it for a while and then decide to go off and do something else. Classic procrastination alternatives may include making a cup of tea, doing the washing up or just generally doing something of low importance. We tend to have our favourite ways to fill time.

 

However, we occasionally hear stories of people doing the seemingly impossible, such as the old woman who lifts a car off of someone and drags them to safety. In these moments, the superhero literally has no awareness or cognition of their own limitations, and is therefore able to perform acts of unbelievable personal power.  

 

So what is the difference?

 

The answer is State. State management is one of the most important elements of success and is so simple to change that people often overlook its importance in creating results, preferring to look to advanced strategies or exciting new techniques. However, this fundamental principle is the foundation to all success.

 

(When I started writing this, I was not planning to talk about state management, as there are so many articles and passages out there on the subject, but as I was writing, its importance was reinforced to me again, and I wanted to share my thoughts with you!)

 

So how can you improve your state management? Three areas – Physiology, Focus and Language.

 

Your physiology, how you carry yourself, is the easiest predictor for someone to pick up on from the outside. When you watch sport, you can often tell who will win before a match just by looking at the posture and movement of the various players. Somehow, winners seem to move differently.

 

Your focus is how you filter information. We are bombarded with 2 million bits of information per second, and we could not consciously take it all in. We therefore develop various filters that help us make sense of the world, and we delete, distort and generalize to make life easier for us. Just imagine what information you are not picking up on right now just because you focus is on reading this article.

 

Finally, your language is what you say, not just to others but also to yourself. It is vital to train yourself to use words in a more constructive and positive way, and to find a way to control your inner voice so that it serves you rather than holds you back. We are all very good at criticizing ourselves; how good can you be at giving yourself praise and recognition?

 

So when I am faced with big tasks tomorrow, I will remember to manage my state. I will view these challenges not as obstacles, rather as opportunities for me to discover really how good I am. I have no limits other than those my imagination creates for me. I have all the power I can use if I just choose to tap into it.

 

As Thomas Edison said, “if we all did the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves“

Grand Master of NLP… or at least that is how I feel!

I just wanted to share a quick update with you all regarding what has been happening in my life recently. It certainly has been full of some incredible experiences, learning and development, and I feel that my own personal development has accelerated immeasurably.

Last week I attended my second NLP Master Practitioner course through Christopher Howard training, and was guided by the lovely Johnnie Cass over 5 days of intense learning and revisiting much of the content I had forgotten from when I first learned this material. As a dedicated lofe-long learner, I listened intently, trying to hear the finer distinctions that really make this a powerful tool for change. Having gone through the CDs a number of times each, the content of the course was largely at the front of my mind, meaning I could enjoy learning about its application and context rather than worrying whether I was going to say the right thing in the right place. Although I am largely visual and kinesthetic in my preferred representation systems, I do learn very well with my auditory sense, so much so that it was as if I was using Chris’ exact words at times… now that is immersion!

Ok, so maybe not a grand master yet, but having done my NLP Master Practitioner for the second time, I feel I am back in touch with many of the aspects of this technology that I had perhaps lost touch of.

I am also busy writing my book which is going to be released later this year, and hence why I have not been contributing quite as much as I would like to this site. Please make sure you have signed up for my newsletter so I can let you know when this will be released, as there will be a very special offer to my regular readers.

This month sees me in even more learning mode, attending my Platform Skills Training with Christopher Howard. This time, the lovely Duane Alley will be leading the way, and I know I am in for the most intensive 5 days of development I have ever experienced. I have been looking forward to this training since I booked it last year, and cannot wait for the opportunity to develop myself even more as a trainer and a speaker. I am bracing myself for all of the feedback I am undoubtedly going to receive, and I welcome it all as I know how much better I will become as a result! Bring it on!

Finally, I am working hard to promote Brealthrough To Success in July, 24-26th at Ibis Hotel, Earls Court, London. Click here to register, as they are getting bigger and better every time. It is also great to see how many new people are recognising the importance of personal development, especially from new fields of industry, including professions such as law, medicine and the arts. We are truly breaking boundaries!

See you all very soon and I trust that the sun is shining on your successes every day!

How is Personal Development affected by the credit crunch?

Everywhere you look at the moment, people and organisations seem to be making cut-backs; down-sizing, streamlining, anything possible to reduce costs and outgoings. This leaves fewer people to do the work left behind, and an increase in the number of people expected to multi-task or be multi-skilled. The ones left doing the jobs are expected to be able to carry businesses through the current tumultuous times and into the expected bounce back predicted in this week’s budget. This also leaves a lot of people out in the job market, many of which never would have imagined having to apply for jobs ever again.

So how are the decisions made about who to keep and who to hire?

Well, it is an interesting situation, unprecedented in the information age. Equally skilled people are attending interviews and trying to outbid for jobs, offering to work for less than other qualified candidates just to get the position.

But is cheaper labour the only consideration for employers? Well in a few instances I am sure it is. However, in the majority of cases, there are more important things to take into account. Below are some of the qualities and values that are desired in employees now.

Attitude – Nobody owes you anything! You have to be prepared to work for what you get, no matter how long you have been in the industry. Adopt the attitude of enthusiasm, willingness to learn and being open to new ideas.

Teamwork – With teams now smaller, personal relationships will be even more strained. People who are able to get on with others are now at a premium. Be someone that is affable and easy to get along with, rather than someone who is critical and judgmental of others.

Flexibility – The phrase “not in my job description” will not be used for a long time with being followed swiftly by a P45! Be prepared to take on new tasks, try things outside of your role, and generally muck in where necessary.

Responsibility – Take ownership of tasks, be interested in the overall outcome and results and be focussed on the success of the business as if it were your own.

Willingness – To learn, to change, to try new things. You have to be open to change and embrace the new economy. It is the ability to let go of the past and embrace the future that will make you successful.

Optimistic – There is enough negativity in the world. People want to be around those who make them feel good, that help them to experience the positive aspects of the world, rather than just reflect and repeat what so much of society is saying.

Extra Mile – Above all, this is the most important quality. Just doing enough is not going to get you noticed or appreciated. You have to be willing to do more than is asked, to find ways to add even more value, to yourself, your boss and without doubt your customers. There are so many ways to add value in every situation you will find yourself in, so practice doing it whenever and wherever possible.

 

So whatever situation you find yourself in, adopt these qualities and approaches in your life. Although the above are focussed on work, they can just as easily be applied to any other area of life.

So how is personal development affected by the credit crunch? Well, it is actually doing better now than ever before! Working on your mindset is the key to adopting the above concepts, and there are seminars, books and audio programs out there to do exactly that. Personal development is something that is attracting people from areas that may have previously been more reluctant to want to work on themselves.

The ideas taught at such seminars give you the cutting edge over the competition. A better outlook on life, improved communication skills, and an improved understanding of people in general are just some of the things you can expect from attending such events. You just can’t afford not to know this stuff if you want to be at the top of your game in any field!

Get yourself along to an event in the next few weeks, and watch the results you are experiencing in life skyrocket! Check out the video below for an idea on how to apply these ideas!

Stronger U – Making Education the Study of Success

Stronger U is born!

Lincoln University saw the beginnings of an incredible new program, and another way of me being able to teach the tools of NLP and Personal Development to those who really need it! In this case, we are now teaching the techniques and ideas at universities and colleges across the UK.

The first session we delivered was on Exam Success, and involved taking the psychological and NLP principles of learning and remembering, and combining it with the ideas of success on a large scale. I guess I have a tendency to take some of my learning for granted, and so teaching people of this age something completely new has an incredible effect. The look on the faces of he students as the concepts dawned on them is the exact reason why I do what I do.

What did we cover? Well we went through learning styles using VAK – Visual, Auditory and Kinaesthetic modalities. In the end, they had over 20 different ways of revising, depending on their dominant preferences. Concepts of memory such as “Learning is State Dependent” showed the importance of being able to relax in exam situations. Finally, the 5 steps to being successful in any exam, which of course you can only find out on the training!

I can not wait for this to explode in universities all over the country, and also potentially overseas! We are having a meeting next week to discuss options and where to take this next as we already have several institutions looking to find ways we can help them.

Want to help share the message? We are looking for contacts in universities and colleges who see the huge benefit of teaching these skills and techniques. If you know anyone who can help us or would like to be involved, email info@strongeru.co.uk.

Look forward to lots more updates about this incredible program. Stay tuned!

Double or Quits? What would you do?

Here is a dilemma for you!

You have worked incredibly hard to get to a situation in your life, and things seem to be going well. Then, all of a sudden, you realise you are only half way to your goal, and that to reach your outcome will take twice as much effort as you have already put in!

What do you do? You are exhausted! Any energy you had left seemed to disappear as soon as you realised what else was expected of you.

In front of you appears a sign which says “Double or Quit”. As you look at the sign, you see people heading toward the exit, clearly taking the option to get out, with the thought of the extra effort clearly too much. Everything in your body is telling you that you have had enough, to join those others and get some well earned rest, and yet there is something about that word “Quit” which just doesn’t sit well with you!

I remember a quote that says most people are unsuccessful because they do not stay in the game long enough to win. They reach a point of challenge or plateau, where progress is not as quick as they would have liked, and they decide that the perceived effort outweighs the expected benefit. They simply quit, and then go and try something else for a bit.

I have made a commitment to stick, to choose the “Double” option! I know I will stay in the game long enough to make myself a success.

Today, this was in the physical realm. Somewhere on an equestrian park, I approached a fluorescent sign with the phrase “Double or Quit” emboldened upon it. Before I got to that point, I got a little disheartened with people passing me, only to see these same individuals taking the first possible opportunity to get out of the game.  It seems this happens a lot in life as well, doesn’t it?

Tempted as I was by the thought of a well earned rest, I knew I couldn’t do it to myself. I chose to take the double route, knowing that another five gruelling miles would have to be endured by my already fatigued legs. With the energy already drained, I had a feeling that this was going to be a tough second lap.

However, almost as soon as I had past the point of no return (at least in my mind) and had cut myself off from the option of quitting, I found myself invigorated and refreshed. It seemed as if simply deciding to stay in the game was enough to give me the energy to succeed. Oh yes, it was still going to be tough, but there was a refreshed spring in my stride which encouraged me to go on.

The second five miles mixed pleasure and pain. Whilst my senses were able to take in the incredible scenery and weather, my legs ran on autopilot attempting to get me round with the least possible distraction. There were a few moments which required my undivided attention, but for the main part I was able to enjoy the rest of my journey.

I was so glad at the eventual end of the race to have completed both laps, as it made the eventual victory (personal that is) so much sweeter. I also know that the journeys I am on in my life will require a lot more energy, and yet I am committed to staying in the game. I suggest you do the same.

1. Get in the game

2. Commit your energy

3. Stay in the game until you win!

Free Ebook – Building Wealth like a Billionaire

Click here for your free eBook entitled “Building Wealth Like a Billionaire”

I have just got back from Breakthrough To Success in Dublin and I have to say it is one of my best BTS experiences to date! Christopher Howard was on top form, and even treated us all to a quick song… well he did roll a 4 after all! Also, as it was my first trip to Ireland, I was excited to see how personal development and NLP would go down in another country, and believe me when I tell you that the Dublin crowd were in excellent spirits!

I went through several emotions while I was there. Having started working at Christopher Howard Events now, I had a new business-focussed hat to wear, and this certainly took up much of my initial thoughts. However, this quickly dissipated as I focussed on why we were there, and that was to help begin people on their journey towards new success. I even managed to enjoy some of the event as I closed my eyes and joined in on the processes.

One of the best things about working at an event like that is the transformation which you observe in the participants. The reservation and trepidation that is evident on day one is no where to be seen, and is instead replaced by an optimism that flows throughout their whole body. It is evident everywhere, and somehow people seem to walk out taller on Sunday night.

I wanted to share something with you that I hope you will find useful. Christopher Howard has recently released a brand new eBook entitled “Building Wealth Like a Billionaire” which I thought you would enjoy. The strap line is 9 Reasons Why More People Aren’t Wealthy and 9 Billionaire Strategies That Guarantee You Can Be! I think you will really enjoy it.

And don’t forget to sign up for my newsletter too. I will have lots of other resources like this for you during the rest of the year. Just enter your details on my sign up form at the top right of this page and I will keep you up to date with all the happenings and events in the personal development world.

First steps into 2009 – my plans for New Years Day!

So 2009 is literally just around the corner, and I have to say 2008 has certainly been roller coaster-esque!!! Global world catastrophies have been contrasted by moments of incredible love with 2008 being the unofficial year of the wedding! The passing of close friends has been outshone by the beauty of youth, enjoying Christmas festivities with young relatives and watching old relatives being revitalised by their vitality! It may be difficult to tell whether the net movement has been up or down, but it certainly hasn’t been uneventful for any of us!

 

How is 2009 going to be different? Well, gazing deep into my crystal ball I would have to say more of the same. There will always be global, social and economic factors outside of our circle of influence that are sent to challenge us, and yet success is always an internal factor. As Jim Rohn reminds us, “its not the blowing of the wind that determines your outcome, but its how you set your sail!”

 

What will I be doing tomorrow? Well the same as most other years, with a bit of a difference. As ever, a long walk will allow me to reflect on the events of the year, and learn important lessons to allow me not to repeat any mistakes I may have made, and to take new steps in the direction of success. After that, goal setting and designing how I would like 2009 to look for me… and do I have some big ideas!

 

In between there, I am adding another step. One of my favourite speakers, Wayne Dyer, talks a lot about energy, and how blockages in energy can prevent new experiences from entering into your awareness. This works on all levels, and this has already been one of my big learnings from the year. In order to maximise the new energy coming to me for 2009, I am going to have a huge clear out of my house…

 

You name it, if it hasn’t been used in the last 60 days… it’s gone!

 

I encourage you to do the same. Clear your life… simplify… and make way to attract new and better experiences. Give your old things to charity (or ebay them, but this will be a slower process!) as a sign of abundance, and watch as the universe conspires to fill the gaps you have created. Nature abhors a vacuum, and so ensure that your focus is in the right direction to allow the things you want to come to you!

 

Have a great 2009, and I look forward to joining you on your journey!

 

Dan Storey

Success Lessons from Dr Evil!

Have you been getting the Advent Calendar emails? If not, sign up now to my Newsletter… just put your details in the sign up form on the left now. Here is a sneak preview of one of the messages going out soon!

“All I asked for was sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads!”

 

Whilst we might not agree with his strategy for success, there is something about Dr Evil’s plan that we can learn from. In fact, so many bad guys use them in films, it is a wonder why the good guys haven’t cottoned on yet!

 

We have all experienced the power of the sun, particularly the oh-so-pleasant sensation of sunburn. In an attempt to show how good your holiday was to your friends, you spend every waking moment exposing parts (that haven’t seen the light since your birth!) with the hope that you will return akin to a Greek God! When we take it a little too far, we end up glowing like a homing beacon and signposting to all the tour guides that you are the stereotypical holiday maker ripe for selling to!

 

And yet, that is a fraction of what the sun is capable of. Think back to childhood and days spent with a magnifying glass and some (insert your particular victim here… paper? ants? dolls?) and then you start to get close to the true potential of light. All it takes is Focus!

 

Focus is the catalyst of true power, taking potential and fashioning something only distantly related to the original source. We have all experienced this ourselves, although we may not have noticed it until one of our colleagues remarks “Woah, what’s got into you this morning?” (Notice focus can be used both positively and negatively!) The challenge is that many people spread themselves too thinly, trying to do too many things all at the same time, and never using their own laser-like focus on anything for long enough to notice the difference.

 

Your challenge is to find a way to focus on whatever it is you are doing today, and throughout Christmas with 100% intensity and commitment. If you are working, give it your all until it is time to finish rather than be thinking about what you are going to do later or how you are going to spend your weekend. Likewise, when enjoying your spare time, immerse yourself fully and forget what needs to be done the following day at the office… the time is now!

 

Not only will this make a massive difference to the success of your life, it will also have an incredible impact on those around you. Once given your undivided attention, people will feel far more connected to you, and enjoy being with you on a far deeper level. How would this affect the relationships you have with those around you right now?

How do you show up?

I finally worked out how to win at Monopoly recently. You see, my old strategy had been ineffective; trying to spread myself too thinly as opposed to using the military concept of massing of forces. Now my strategy is to build up my properties even if it means mortgaging everything else, as well as keeping a reserve just in case you draw the wrong card from the Chance pile.

 

It is funny, but how you play a game teaches you a lot about how you live your life. I learnt a lot about investment strategies by playing the game Cashflow from Robert Kiyosaki (click here to find out more). You might think that games can’t possibly be effective mechanism for teaching and learning, but delivered in the right way and with an effective debrief, they can be outstanding education tools.

 

The thing about learning through games is you can never be certain what the lessons will be, as the learnings for each individual playing the game will often be different. You will learn whatever lesson you need to learn at that particular moment! You might learn a completely different lesson by playing the same game or you might learn the same lesson playing a different game, especially if you still haven’t really got the message.

 

Today, I was teaching business games with year 7 students in East London, and throughout the day there were lots of lessons. One of the biggest lessons from today, and this applies to YOU as much as it did to the students today, is that in most instances you only get ONE CHANCE, and that every opportunity you have should be taken with both hands. If you don’t get it right first time, there often isn’t a second time. Whether you are in front of the investors in the Dragon’s Den, meeting a potential life partner or simply being there for your family, how you show up speaks volumes to the people around you as well as your unconscious mind.

 

How you do one thing is how you do everything!

 

If you get the opportunity to learn through games, you should take the opportunity. Clinton Swaine teaches business and investment strategies through games, and he runs a free weekend introductory event. I was only able to make it for a few hours last time, and I learned so much in that short time that I wish I had been available for the rest of the weekend. I will certainly be there in February when he returns. To get your free tickets visit www.Play2Win.DanStorey.com or click here to visit his website. See you there!

 

If you know of any other games, please leave a comment and share them with the rest of the readers!

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